a new season

The changing of seasons always brings a fresh feeling to me. This time it also brought nasty allergies, but that's a small price to pay for gradual relief from brutal summer heat and the excitement of a new season. This fall & winter, Mason and I will (hopefully) be enjoying all the holidays together before he deploys in the spring, and we'll also be taking in all this time with Ezekiel as our one and only. Now that we "know" thanks to the wonders of modern technology that we're expecting a baby girl in January (the ultrasound tech said she would go ahead and paint the nursery when I asked her how sure she was), I can't imagine it being any different. It's easy to say now that I knew from the very beginning she'd be a girl, but I really was about 90% sure from the start. I used to say I wanted to have a few boys in a row, that I had no idea what I would do with a girl. But now that I know there's a fellow female inside me, I'm super pumped and up for a new course in parenting, one that Ezekiel would not be able to give me. I also think about how glad I am that this baby won't in any way be taking the place of Ezekiel - the thought of having a little boy so soon after him who may even look like him makes me sad, because he is just so special to me that I want this experience to be totally different. If we were having a boy I'd be singing a different tune, but in God's plan there are no ifs, ands or buts - this is the way it is, and the way He planned it! One way that we plan to make a different experience with Koda (her Disney name 'til delivery) is that we've hired a doula to walk with us through this pregnancy, labor, delivery and recovery. Our plan is to labor at home as long as possible (hopefully my mom will be here to be keep 'Zekiel for us!) and then deliver at the most natural birth-friendly hospital in town. I would like to avoid the epidural this time if possible because, as blessed as my last birth experience was, the partial numbness that the epidural delivered was weird. I was caught off guard and unnerved by the medicine's side effects, although I knew it was a risky (albeit common) procedure to have a needle inserted in my spinal cord. At the 5-6 cm when I chose out of caution (and a little fear, maybe?) to get the epidural, I wasn't in very much pain, but the environment and support system we had in place were not conducive to a natural birth in my mind. The catheter was probably the worst part for me, I would like to never have another catheter in my life if I have any say in it! Giving birth to Ezekiel was amazing, and I hope to have a different amazing experience with this one. God was so faithful to answer every prayer we prayed on his birthday, from not having to be induced to not having pitocin during labor (until they slipped it to me for third stage without telling me!) to avoiding an episiotomy. We are praying for a different process this time, for a smooth, quick delivery with no complications or medication, and I'm confident that He'll be just as faithful this time! I'm almost 23 weeks pregnant and grateful for every moment. Both of my pregnancies have technically been "threatened miscarriages," where I experience bleeding during the critical first trimester between 7 and 8 weeks. I'm so glad that God gave me those experiences...it was like He was saying to me, "You know this baby that you already think is yours? He/she is mine. I've got everything under control, I give and I take away, and you need to trust and believe me now." Both times that I thought I may be miscarrying, the Lord gave me a beautiful peace that this child was HIS and not MINE, and I know one reason He let that happen was for that lesson to stick with me through every day of their lives. 16 months after Ezekiel's birth, I still remember that this child is HIS, not mine and Mason's. Thank you Lord for taking better care of my children than I ever could, and bringing them safely into the world for your purposes!