Thursday

Today was our last full day of visitations! It was bittersweet because I was so excited to be closer to my American babies yet devastated to say goodnight to K for the last time here. Tomorrow we will have our morning visit, leave the orphanage around lunchtime, and head back to the capitol city by car in the afternoon. One highlight of the day was taking K out to get her Visa photo. She sat on Mason's lap in the backseat of a very small taxi (no taxi in this town is larger than a tiny sedan) next to me, with our translator crammed in beside us and the orphanage chaperone in the front seat. K handled this disruption of routine extremely well and sat very compliantly for her photo immediately after arriving at the small studio. Sitting on Mason's lap helped a lot! On the way out of the photo studio, the photographer called out and Maggie translated for us, "The girl looks so much like her dad!" She is right...K has the same big brown eyes and does resemble him. I look forward to seeing all four of our little ones lined up. Eden's big blue eyes and flowing blond hair will definitely stand out in the sea of gorgeous chocolate brown eyes and dark hair. Eden! How I've missed her! Ah, anyway...

The chaperone intended to get us into the first taxi we saw on our way out of the studio, but fortunately I needed to find a restroom so we got to walk a few blocks with K around the city. Mason carried her most of the way, when she wasn't holding both of our hands, and she seemed to enjoy the sunlight and the wind on her face. Public restrooms are basically nonexistent here, so finding and using one was an adventure in itself but totally worth it to walk about in freedom with K for a few extra minutes. Playing for hours each day in the same dilapidated room was definitely wearing on me, though I can't speak for K because that is what she's done her whole life, without the benefit of the Mom and Dad she's enjoyed this week!

After we said goodbye for K to go take her nap (it was the children's lunchtime but we've made a habit of spoiling her appetite by feeding her bananas, peanut butter crackers, goldfish, and these yummy jam-filled bears that are like nothing she's ever tasted), we stopped at the local mall to buy some food to take to our room for lunch. I never thought I'd say this with three small children in my life who make dining out a novelty, but I'm tired of eating out! After lunch in our room we went with our translator to have some very important documents notarized. The notary office was on the second floor of a city building the inside of which looked like something right out of Dostoevsky's Crime and Punishment. It must have been the peeled pale yellow paint covering the walls, as it does the walls of the orphanage visitation room, that keeps bringing this allusion to mind! After getting the documents notarized we picked up the Visa photos and spent a few minutes enjoying the park by our hotel, swinging on the playground swings, glad to see children out playing for the first time this week. It was close to 3:00, which must be the time that moms and babies come out to play because we had seen an eerie absence of children in the city until this afternoon. There are many, many playgrounds around town but they have all looked abandoned during the times we passed by. 

People here picture Americans as people with big families who have lots of money to support them. Here, people are barely getting by trying to survive on their own, so children are seen as extras for which there are not enough resources. Abortion is a common solution. Mason and I are very grateful to K's biological mother for choosing to give her daughter life. Maybe she believed that even though she probably wouldn't be able to provide for her, another mother and father could. Though we would all surely grieve together at the fact that her little girl had to wait 7 years for it, we can also rejoice with her in spirit that her child finally has a family. And she only needs to wait a few more months to be with them forever! 

Leaving the orphanage tonight was very, very hard for both me and Mason. I keep mentally torturing myself with images of sweet Eden living there and enduring what our other daughter has had to endure. It's a haunting and stifling thought. It's admittedly a strange situation to have to leave our child after spending a special and important week bonding with her, but the Voice of Truth tells us that He has had these next 4-5 months planned from the beginning of time and will use them to accomplish His purposes for K and for us all. The most meaningful part of the day for me was near the end of our evening visit, when Mason, K and I were all gathered together on the couch. Playing on the iPad was the Praise Baby song "Born to Worship". K was so fascinated with this song, and tired from her big day, that she was sitting holding the iPad gazing intently at the small speakers and running her little fingers across the holes. We had a game throughout the week of lifting our hands up when she did, and she and Mason were playing this game during the song. With her hands lifted high, peacefully enjoying the music and gazing alternately at me and Mason, these were the lyrics she heard:

I was born to worship you my King

I was born to lay down everything

To make my life a living sacrifice

So I'll sing for you

I was born to worship you

I will live my life for you alone

I will make my merry heart your home

So your glory all the world will see

And so I'll sing for you

It's all I want to do

I was born to worship

Yes, that is what you were born to do! My eyes were filled with tears and are again right now reading these words. We are eagerly waiting to one day hear her sing them with her clear, pure voice and with her life. She is showing His glory to the world already.