are you waiting?

Is there something you're waiting for? Something you think it is high time happened because you can hardly fathom any logical reason why God would keep holding it off? Do you sometimes start to panic because you wish you could take matters into your own hands but simply can't? If so, we have something in common, my friend! 

Our waits might look different. Here's what mine looks like: sometimes when I go to sleep I see a flash of our daughter eating watery cabbage soup and stale bread off a metal tray.

I want to feed her healthy, homemade food along with vitamin supplements and a bottomless cup of cool water to moisten her lovely little parched lips. Now. I see her falling asleep in a crib for which she is way too old, without even a pillow, and I long to tuck her into the elegant princess bed in her new room, complete with the purple pillow that has her name embroidered on it. I think of her spending long, mindless hours each day without meaningful interaction and desperately want to study her eyes, speaking love and life into her soul, inviting out the intelligent and inquisitive child within, just as I do daily with our three at home. Even though she may not yet know that this kind of life is possible, it hurts me to think these thoughts. It hurts more to remember that until all of the appropriate authorities set our in-country appointments and invite us to come, there is absolutely nothing we can do to hasten her exit from the institution. 

The good news is that with every passing day of no news, we're one day closer to the call that tells us our travel dates. On that day, we will know exactly how many more days stand between us and physically welcoming her into our family. How can each day feel as long as a year and as short as a minute, both at the same time? I think it has something to do with the three vivacious little personalities that keep us on our toes all day long here. Without them, this adoption - all of the waiting and wondering - would be so much more excruciating. I have a new and profound respect for moms and dads who choose (whom God calls) to start their family through adoption, who become parents for the first time in this way. What a wild ride to start off a parenting journey. 

We met one such couple in the Paris airport in February. Mason said to me before we exited the plane from our transatlantic flight, "I believe God is going to send us an encouragement after this." Sure enough, while sitting in the terminal waiting for our final flight to Sofia, a young woman sitting across from us asked "Excuse me, are you with Lifeline?" How thrilled we were to meet this amazing couple, married just a few years and working with the same agency, on their way to Bulgaria to meet their firstborn, a precious 3-year-old boy! We shared the same flight from Paris to Sofia, and walking into that deserted, rundown terminal with them made such a difference as we all set foot in our children's country of origin together, united in our faith in Jesus and His purposes for our families. Just yesterday, I found in my purse one of the crushed-up Lifesaver mints that they gave us as we parted. Through emailing with the mom and praying for one another since then, we've kept in touch. This precious family will be leaving to go pick up their son on July 16! I am overjoyed for them even as I wait to hear news of when our trip will happen. They have waited patiently with empty arms as they've navigated this rollercoaster-like journey of international adoption. I'm grateful that my arms have been full during this time of waiting, because the pain of waiting is surely magnified a thousand fold when there is not a little child (or two or three) in the home already toward which the expectant parents can channel their eager attention.

I've been honest about our desire to plan our trip now and to finally circle a date on the calendar, but beneath it all we have the deepest underlying peace about the whole thing. It's true that God will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are stayed on Him because they trust in Him (Isaiah 26:3).

Below is the July 4th entry from Streams in the Desert, my favorite devotional book. It's one example of how the LORD has been faithful to encourage us during the emotional ups and downs of the past 3 weeks since court.

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For the vision is yet for an appointed time...though it tarry, wait for it; because it will surely come, it will not tarry. Habakkuk 2:3

In the charming little booklet, Expectation Corner, Adam Slowman was led into the Lord's treasure houses, and among many other wonders there revealed to him was the "Delayed Blessing Office," where God kept certain things, prayed for, until the wise time came to send them. It takes a long time for some pensioners to learn that delays are not denials. Ah, there are secrets of love and wisdom in the "Delayed Blessings Department," which are little dreamt of! Men would pluck their mercies green when the Lord would have them ripe. "Therefore will the Lord WAIT, that He may be gracious unto you" (Isa. 30:18). He is watching in the hard places and will not allow one trial too many; He will let the dross be consumed, and then He will come gloriously to your help. Do not grieve Him by doubting His love. Nay, lift up your head, and begin to praise Him even now for the deliverance which is on the way to you, and you will be abundantly rewarded for the delay which has tried your faith.

O Thou of little faith,
   God hath not failed thee yet!
When all looks dark and gloomy,
   Thou dost so soon forget - 

Forget that He has led thee,
   And gently cleared thy way;
On clouds has poured His sunshine,
   And turned the night to day.

And if He's helped thee hitherto,
   He will not fail thee now;
How it must wound His loving heart
   To see thy anxious brow!

Oh! doubt not any longer,
   To Him commit thy way,
Whom in the past thou trusted,
   And is "just the same today."