One month

Friends, family, supporters, readers! I feel like I've left you hanging. There is so much to share but so little time to sit down and write it! As I tap away on our iPad, I'm sitting on the floor of our temporary apartment in Alabama with Mason on his iPhone beside me. The lights are all out and we're just far enough away from Kamelia's air mattress for her to fall asleep undistracted but for us to catch her if she tries to sneak away. The last words she said before laying down to put herself to sleep were "family" and "Jesus". Now that's a good way to end an eventful day!

She left the orphanage just 35 days ago and left Bulgaria just 25 days ago. Those are 35 days I would not choose to relive if you paid me a million dollars. I am so relieved to have reached this one month milestone, because I know that whatever challenges lie ahead, they won't be the same ones or the same intensity we faced in that first month. The week we spent at home in Louisiana was hard, but I was so thrilled to be back with Ezekiel, Eden and Isaiah (and in the United States) that I was riding high through the nightmarish confrontations we had with our new daughter. The week we came to Alabama for Mason's school, Kami and I both hit rock bottom. Anyone who has met me knows that I'm a very open, honest and transparent person. I usually don't have trouble finding words, but I don't have the ability or desire to find words to describe what rock bottom looked like. It was dark and dreadful. I did share the details with a couple of adoptive mom confidants who have walked with me through this process, and I also unloaded some of it to my Bible study friends back home. I'm incredibly grateful for these friends who have been available, compassionate, and most importantly interceding for me in prayer during my lowest moments. In answer to a prayer I specifically asked friends to pray for me, I can now say that "He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; He set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand." (Psalm 40:2)

Rock bottom was a peaceful place in a way because God met me right there. He didn't just reach a hand down to lift me out, He met me there in the darkest depths and brought me up with Him. Despite the ugliness of that broken place, I'm grateful to have experienced such a literal salvation. The Bible means more to me now than ever after this month. Every chapter, every verse has new meaning. Just today I was reading in Luke about Jesus telling Zacchaeus that He came to seek and to save what was lost. To seek and to save what was lost...the girl who is sleeping in my living room. Yes, she is a beautiful illustration of that truth. And then there's the Psalm that says God sets the lonely in families...yes, He does! Kami still craves alone time, and sometimes we give her a few minutes of it to help her calm down from overstimulation (or to contain her if she gets into a violent rage), but she's not lonely anymore when her big brother (yes, he is 5 and she is 7, but he is definitely her big brother) is bouncing her on the air mattress or her sister is tickling her on the couch as she giggles. She's certainly not lonely when Isaiah seeks her out during her tantrums, crouches down on his chubby legs, sticks out his plump little hands with palms facing upward, and tilts his head to make eye contact with her. This is the very first thing Isaiah did when he met Kami at his grandparents' house in August. He immediately approached her, dropped down to her level, and engaged her with his outstretched hands and concerned eyes. Isaiah means "the LORD saves"...without our surprise Isaiah, we wouldn't have Kami. That's a long story from another post, but we were in the Peru program with no thought of Bulgaria until he came on the scene. You may remember that Isaiah was saved from a serious illness as a newborn, but now he is showing me every day how Jesus operates, with open hands, a willing heart, and an engaging smile, fearless to approach the most isolated and dangerous person. Isaiah has taught me more than I can outline here! He is absolutely amazing, a gift from God, as are all children.

I will share more soon as I continue to process what's been happening. Specific prayer points for Kami right now are that we would have wisdom in when and where to take her out of the house and that she would quickly learn appropriate behaviors. Her language continues to develop rapidly, praise God and may it continue to do so, and she has pooped in the potty a total of three times now since being home. Pray for potty training to happen quickly and successfully, because that will go a long way in helping me bond with her as well as freeing her from that indignity! I feel like I have been through so much with her in the last month that feelings of love are beginning to grow. This is promising, as a few weeks ago I feared I may never even like her! We have a long way to go, but we've also come very, very far.