wishing I had taken a picture...

...of my steadily emptying candy jar today, but the golden window of opportunity to write this post did not coincide with my remembering to take said picture. You can just believe me when I say that our deployment candy jar is finally looking like its days are numbered. Mason didn't actually count the candies to number 120, he just dumped in several bags and said "I'm sure it'll be enough to last." That's Mason for you! As usual though, it looks like he's going to be right. Hopefully there are at least a few candies left for us to enjoy together. Ezekiel has been doing a great job of reminding me about the daily Diddy candy, and even (sometimes) pulling out my love note for me after he delightedly selects his treat. At first I was like, hey kid, that's my candy, and then I started thanking him for consuming the empty calories in my stead.

It's odd to think we've already been in Orlando for almost 3 months! That's a quarter of a year...wow. To me, that sounds like an extraordinarily long time to be apart from my husband, but I realize that there are other families, both military and civilian, that have endured much longer deployments and separations. This time has given me occasion to stop and consider, admire, and pray for these people. Separation from a family member is no small deal, it affects everyone in every way, and one of many things I thank God for this summer is the opportunity to taste a small sample of what some are facing for much longer periods! Something God's taught me recently is to resist my tendency of indifference to suffering. It's in my nature and personality (most of the time) to try to ignore the negative and extol the positive in any situation, but He's shown me that there is beauty and honesty and reality in embracing the existence of suffering as a means to break my heart and make it just a little bit more in line with His. Jesus, after all, took on all the suffering in the world through his death, and not only that, but he also wept and felt compassion for and mourned with the brokenhearted during his 33 years as one of us. The Bible says that the LORD is close to the brokenhearted, and I certainly want him close to me, and I'm learning that it's okay and actually good to let my heart break for the pain that his precious children go through. This kind of intense compassion is what he wants from me, and it's what I need to let him work in me in order to bow to his purpose for my life.

I'm confident and encouraged, though, as God works with both me and Mason while we're apart. Just as we asked him to do, he's working in us in ways that require us being apart. Mason's not a blogger, but he could easily fill one up with stories of God moving in and around him this summer! I'm excited that God brought us this separation for his eternal purposes... but I'm also WAY excited for it to end in a few weeks so that we can reunite as a family and return to our life together! Ezekiel misses him so much. Each day it seems the little guy is talking more and more about things and events back in Louisiana, including the highly-discussed reunion. I talk it up so much and I pray every day that God will encourage Ezekiel's little heart with the knowledge that Mason really IS coming back to be with him soon, and loves him very much, and wants to be with him. I have no idea what a toddler's conception of time is like. Eden, on the other hand - well, she sure likes to see Mason's face and hear his voice on skype, but she is 100% Momma's girl right now, so I choose not to burden myself with any extra sadness on her behalf. Mason will just want to soak up every moment he gets with them both when he returns, and I will be so grateful just to see them interact real time! And then after they go to bed (around 11 pm), he will be all mine. :)

Did I mention that family has been amazing and so has the proximity and amenities of Disney World? A few months ago I was sobbing in the shower at the prospect of parting with Mason, and just tonight I started sniffling in the shower at the thought of leaving my parents' house and Disney World. A military girl just can't win, there's always someone to miss. But I'm hoping that my parents will be so hooked on EZ and Eden after this summer, they'll come visit us more!

My midnight snack is calling. If my nursing diet continues as it has, I will shortly pig out on ice cream, cake, M&Ms, frosting, and cookies, nurse Eden tonight and wake up 1 lb. lighter. This is nothing short of awesome.