the big d

We're a week into our first deployment. That sounds impressive to me until I realize how many of our friends have already gone through one, two or three of these and with much less ideal circumstances. Mason left last Friday and will be gone anywhere from 4 to 6 months - we're hoping for 4, of course, and this possibility combined with his location make our situation something to rejoice about, considering what many other military families are facing right now. It's nothing to complain about, but still a trial for us as we face this time without each other geographically near.

I packed up our essentials and closed up our house temporarily for a "summer vacation" (that's what I call it around Ezekiel) with family in Florida. We left the day he did, after a wildly emotional fake-out where I dropped him off at 3:30 am only for him to come home later that day and leave for real the next morning. That would have been cruel if it had been intended to torture us, but it's just the way it happened. I'm relieved to have that goodbye one full week in the rear view mirror! I haven't cried that much in a long time. I'm not good enough with my words to describe the depth of pain that parting with Mason caused me - God did NOT make marriage for husband and wife to be separated for any length of time, but He did place us here for such a time as this, and we are proud to do our part in serving our country.

Today I felt particularly down. The last several days have been good, and full of support and love, but also emotionally volatile for me. It seems like every few minutes I go from riding confident, upbeat joy, to feeling like I am slipping and panicking a little bit, to grasping God's hand encouraging me with the calmest sense of peace and hope that this is SO temporary and is FROM Him and FOR His glory and my good. I don't think I'll ever forget standing in the shower the night before Mason left (for real), sobbing and saying over and over out loud "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." (That comes from Jeremiah 29:11.) Today God's been encouraging me with James 1: "Consider it pure joy when you face trials of many kinds. For you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance, and perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." And doesn't my Jesus know just when to come to my rescue? I knew Mason had sent a package before deploying that was supposed to get to me last Friday. It had been several days and I was wondering if it had gotten lost in the mail. Mason reassured me that God knew where the package was, so I tried not to think about it but was hopeful it would get here. This afternoon when I looked out the window and saw my brother riding by on his scooter with the box in hand, I was so happy! There's nothing like getting something special that your spouse has touched when you know you won't see them for a long time.

Now this is very special to me for a number of reasons. One, it's full of typed up reasons that Mason loves me, two, it's full of my favorite candies, and three, there's a great story behind it. For Valentines Day 2007, we were both 20 years old and engaged and looking forward to our wedding in May. I wanted to give Mason something special, so I filled a jar with 94 candies and 94 reasons I loved him and presented it to him as a countdown to our wedding day. Each day he could read one reason I loved him and eat one chocolate until the jar was empty and our wedding day arrived. They say the way you show love is the way you want to receive love, and I hinted at least a couple of times in the last 4 years that I really enjoy gifts like that. Well, deployment presented Mason with a great opportunity! He worked on it behind closed doors the last couple weeks before he left, enlisting Ezekiel's "help" too. The kid was so excited to see the treats again when we opened the box today, but I had to tell them they weren't for him. Although I may have to start giving him the chocolates while I read the love notes, if they start interfering with my summer fitness plans! Regardless...God knew exactly what day I needed to receive this sweet gift from my husband on the other side of the world. If it matters to me, it matters to Him. So the jar full of candy and love notes was a gift not just from my husband but from my Father in Heaven. We have miles to go this summer, miles I don't want to wish away because each step I'll be with my precious children, developing perseverance and keeping my eyes open for love notes...from Mason and from Jesus, who loves me infinitely more than the most devoted husband ever could!