Kamelia

The first time I saw her picture we had not yet crossed over into her country's program. We were exploring options knowing it was time to switch from Peru, and Kamelia's picture grabbed hold of me instantly. Se was wearing a striped sweater and a serious face, standing with her back to a shelf that held a couple of toys that were surely not her own. Nothing is her own because she has lived her entire life in the orphanage. Her face, her posture, her name, everything about her was stuck in my mind for days and weeks after scrolling past that photo on the waiting list. There was only one other list entry that had caught my eye, a sibling set. I believed we would end up adopting two at once simply because of the practicality and the space available in our home, but Kamelia was by herself and was burned into my mind. I mentioned her to Mason several times and showed him her picture, asking him to pray about her. Finally on Friday, May 17 I left a message asking Stephanie at Lifeline to send us her file because there was no getting her out of my mind until we looked into her information. That weekend we celebrated Ezekiel's 4th birthday, as well as our 6th anniversary with family photos. It seemed to take forever for Monday to roll around, but still no contact with Lifeline occurred and by now I was going crazy wondering if Kamelia was even available. This was a weird feeling because on the one hand, you want to hear that this precious child is being pursued and wanted by someone, but on the other hand you want them to be reserved for you because you want them!! It's very weird. So Stephanie finally called me back on the morning of Tuesday, May 21, our firstborn's birthday, as I was driving the children to the science center. She said she sent us the file, so of course I was dying to get home and see it! She said that several people had pulled her file but were scared off by the verbiage in it. Well, the same thing happened to us, sort of. Initially when I opened the file I couldn't believe how drawn I felt to her. She shares a birthday with one of us - that was the first thing I noticed - and the year of her birth is a very special one to us. Beyond that I was pleased at the apparent lack of physical special needs, which can be very intimidating when you have 3 healthy children. Her photos were adorable to me and her video - well, I cannot adequately explain how it felt to view footage of a real child who has never known the love of a mother or father, moving and breathing on the other side of the world, while asking ourselves the questions, "can WE be her parents? SHOULD we be her parents?" What particularly captured me was when she toddled (yes, she is 6 and toddles) across the room to pull the curtain behind her head and look outside. I could tell she liked seeing the street below and letting the sunshine into the room. Then a woman, maybe her baba (a grandmother type woman from the village who visits the orphanage) or a social worker or psychiatrist or who knows, gently sprayed perfume on her neck. They knew she was being filmed and wanted to get a good performance out of her. Se looked delighted at the smell and tried to put the bottle in her mouth, something Eden would do. Then the woman picked her up and said something to her in Bulgarian, and she smiled and giggled. It was such a sweet and surprising sound to hear. How does one even learn to giggle in an orphanage? I do not know, but the sound of it was music. She gave this woman a kiss on the cheek at her prompting and a hug. At this point I was sold. I showed the file to Mason when he got home and he agreed, let's go for it and adopt her, she obviously needs a home and we will be a good fit! Well I don't recall when this change of attitude happened but there came a point where I got very scared of a few little lines describing her mental condition. Lines I wished weren't there because there is so much about her we don't know and she's had such little chance at life, it isn't even fair to evaluate her in such ways. I was overcome with such a spirit of fear that I returned the file to Stephanie and said thanks but no thanks, we can't move forward, this is too soon, we'll wait until our home study update is finished to view any more files. Well that was that - or not! About one week later I still couldn't stop thinking about Kamelia. I had been praying for God to place her in the perfect family for her, and apparently it was to be ours. I was unsure about what to do, and I say "I" rather than "we" because although Mason is a wonderful father he will never grow a baby in his womb or a child in his heart the way a mother can, and I asked the LORD to show me clearly what to do. I said, mmmkay, God. If we are to pursue her, I need to please see an email in my box tomorrow morning about Kamelia. Stephanie and I had already completed our correspondence about the file and there was nothing that remained to be said. Well, can you guess what appeared in my box next morning? An email I will never forget that said something like: "Hey Christen, I have some updated information on Camille (her waiting list name). Would you be interested in seeing it? Either way is fine, just thought I'd ask." My response was one word in caps: YES! In a way the deal was sealed at that moment, but the following week would be filled with some of the most intense spiritual warfare I have ever experienced. There was a battle in the heavenlies over this child. I felt a physical heaviness, a burden on my chest and shoulders that would not let up. This spirit of fear was clearly not of God because of the things it whispered - you can't do this. Leave her there, she's not your problem. Her needs are too great. You don't have what it takes. I could feel the devil, the enemy, the thief, the deceiver breathing these lies down my neck. Those were a couple of very difficult days, but by God's grace I have the weapons to fight these kinds of battles. My God, when I listened for his voice, was speaking a much different story. You can do this with me. I have led you to her. I have come that she may have life, and have it to the full. John 10:10 is now very real to me because I have seen it displayed already in Kamelia's life. When we chose to commit to her, the enemy knew he had lost a great battle over one precious life. He will surely be back at an opportune time, but we have the full armor of God and are not unaware of the schemes of the devil. We proceeded quickly with commitment documents and received word on June 21 that we had been officially approved by the country and were now matched with Kamelia! We have been covering her in prayer, the only way but also the best way that we can parent her at this point. I am expecting some very special photos in the mail tomorrow that I'll carry with me in my purse to proudly show anyone who wants to see what she looks like. She is beautiful! Mason and I plan to keep her images off the Internet until we can post one of us with her. Because we haven't even met her yet we don't feel comfortable publishing her photos anywhere - some people choose not to publicly post their ultrasound photos; it's kind of like that. :)

Our next step is applying to U.S. immigration after we receive our completed home study update. The money has begun to take wings and fly rather swiftly away since we received approval to be matched with Kamelia, particularly because of two freak water incidents in our home that led to costly repairs (insurance is really a wonderful thing). However, we have a fundraising project in the works that you will certainly hear about in the near future!

Ezekiel and Eden are excited to get their Kamelia pictures to put up in their rooms so that they can look at her as they pray for and talk about her. Eden has been saving raisins for her new sister and was hoping that Kamelia would be able to give her a piggy back ride, but I explained that she is about the same size as Ezekiel and Eden despite her age so Momma and Daddy will be the only ones giving piggy back rides for awhile. Ezekiel seems to understand exactly what is going on and is excited to find out what adoption really looks like after hearing about it for his whole life! And Isaiah, well - that baby is the sweetest, most easygoing little man I've ever met. I am so glad we have him. If not for him, we would likely not be matched with Kamelia.

"We can make our plans, but the LORD determines our steps." - Proverbs 16:9.

I have much more I would like to share with you, but this is what time permits for now. Please ask our Father for complete and miraculous healing of every part of Kamelia's being and for preparation of our hearts for her and of her heart for us.