Wednesday...

Oh. Wednesday was overwhelming. It marked halfway through the 5 days of visitation, which felt great. However, in the interest of honesty, I must say that everything about this place is currently crashing down over my head. This is how I have felt on the other nights too - and somewhat refreshed in the morning - but tonight feels more pronounced since I'm feeling it physically too. I'm hoping a good night's sleep will take care of that part, but the rest of the overwhelming things will still be there come morning. This place is assaulting to the senses. Breathing in cigarette smoke-filled streets, not understanding the words spoken all around us, missing my familiar foods, and twice daily wading through the stale, sickly sweet smelling orphanage air to get to our visitation room is beginning to wear on me, in addition to the 2-mile round trip stomping through the snow each day. I requested that we take a taxi for one trip today and Mason and Maggie were gracious to oblige. My aching toes thanked them. But as I see all this spelled out, I realize it fades away in the echoes of K's melodious laugh that has found its voice for the first time this week!

Today we learned some amazing good news that later became the source of my nausea. Some dear friends may recall that back in May when we first pulled K's file, we returned it after viewing her diagnoses. We were afraid that we wouldn't be able to parent her. She wouldn't be anywhere near "normal," and we had three healthy kids to think about, right? So we returned her file and told Lifeline that we would pray for K to find a forever family, and we were true to our word. When God told us clearly to proceed, He took care of that decision for us, but doubts still lingered in my mind about how it would look to integrate a special needs child into our family. Imagine my surprise when, through a series of revelations of new information today, we learned that as best we can tell, K has no legitimate mental, emotional or physical limitations that were present at birth. Every chain that holds her back is directly related to her 7 years of neglect. Her file had been viewed several times before we viewed it, but had been returned time and again because of the harsh, intimidating wording of her mental diagnoses. Eastern Europe is notorious for medical reports of this sort. We knew this to be true through our adoption training, but today, after this week of falling in love with the face behind the file, I am crushed by the realization that countless children here have spent and are currently "living" their lives in dreadful institutions locked up behind false medical and psychological reports. It is sickening. Maggie is a fountain of information about this tragedy and shared with us several stories that she personally witnessed as a national social worker. If K were not adopted before the age of 18 - and the chances of adoption grow slimmer and slimmer as children age - she would have been placed straight into a mental institution, all of her gifts and potential locked up to die. And let me tell you about her gifts and potential, which we knew in our hearts to be present from the time we viewed her file!!!!

She has a beautiful singing and speaking voice, unlike any I have ever heard. It's like a clear, sweet bell. When she laughs, she sounds like she is singing. Today Mason made her laugh so hard she was breathless with tears in her eyes and her little body was shaking. It was beyond precious to see! She has an ear for music and rhythm (we know this from her calm demeanor when we play music and the patterns of tapping and drumming she does with her hands, in addition to her songs) and loves to dance. We will definitely be seeking musical training for her when she is at the proper level of development. She can mimic any word, if she wants to, and is quick to catch on to sign language. She can color and count. She responds well to positive reinforcement and is already attached to us. All of these things combined with many others today to hit me like a ton of bricks with the realization that this is an almost 7-year-old who has been deprived of loving, individual care, which sabotaged every stage of her development. How many precious children like her have been locked up in mental institutions to die because nobody gave them a chance to respond to love? It is heartbreaking to say the very least. So I will continue to breathe smoke-filled air and be a foreigner here and soak myself in the smell of her orphanage so that she can become who God created her to be. He did not create children to languish in orphanages, and we can tell you from our experience this week that the Enemy is very pleased to see these children underestimated, oppressed, and cast aside within those walls. I thank God for showing me K's photo months ago and for calling us to come over here and get her. She is blessing and teaching us so much more than we will teach her.

Maggie noted that K opened up to us quickly and blossomed in every area this week because she could tell that we were already committed to her. We weren't coming to sit back and observe her to see if she would fit into our family. We had already decided we would move forward with making her our daughter no matter what. It is nothing short of amazing to see the change in her over just 3 (long) days. We now have no doubt that she will thrive, learn at breakneck speed, and grow beautifully as a member of our family.

    Playing with the iPad with Daddy this evening (she is much calmer during our evening visits because her unnecessary, harmful morning medication has worn off).